ENDOMETRIOSIS
Ella Stanford
2019-2020
There is no privilege in pain, although there is a privilege in being able to talk about your pain.
I want to shed light on an illness that is as common as 1 in 10 and disgustingly understudied. I was so eager to get started on this project because I felt like I was in the position to help raise awareness about a disease that has no cure and gets pushed to the side as being a ‘women's issue’, I wanted so badly to be the spokesperson that I needed to hear, that I want all who live in chronic pain to hear, and I will always try to be that person, but when it came time to actually voice that I wanted to do my project on Endometriosis, it made me feel physically sick.
Pain is a language that everyone understands, and when you live in chronic pain that translation gets distorted, because how often can you tell someone that you’re in pain- before it starts to annoy them? and what can they really do anyway? You just get used to not saying anything. So when I finally did voice my artistic desires, it became clear to me that I wasn’t entirely sure how to do so, and I found the whole experience to be rather traumatic.
There is a stigma placed upon those in pain who do not suffer silently, and I just find it ironic that within this discourse I was told not to be ‘biased’, and I just don’t think that I can. At this point in time, I think that I need to be completely selfish, I need to make this project entirely for myself, to start at the very beginning and ease myself into this topic, I need to find a way to explore my pain cathartically, as to not create more.
At first, I thought the privilege was in being able to talk about your pain and having people listen, but now I think I understand that the privilege comes from being comfortable enough with your pain that you are able to share your experience in a healthy manner, without it manifesting more.
I have now realized that I have been exploring how to do so entirely subconsciously, I started with latex as a medium as it resembled skin, this was my first time using latex and I found my inexperience to be fascinatingly refreshing.
There are four main concepts my work has been centred around so far,
Growth – for there is nothing worse than living day to day with the feeling that something un-natural has taken up residence within your body, it is a kind of fear that I struggle to put into words, to live without any explanation for the reasons that this excruciating pain exists, due to the pure lack of understanding and recognition that surrounds Endometriosis within western medicine, it is frightening and only exasperates symptoms.
Housing life – The body as a storehouse for the unwanted, toxic home, natural location, the body as a vessel
Burning Pain – the pain associated with the disease, the stigma on people who speak about their pain, The ability to turn your own senses against you, to hurt you. dis-ease, our relationship to pain
Carrying that pain - baggage, the mental struggle to translate, manifested into the physical, the extension of the self, presence and absence, the other as a driving force.
All of these topics interlink and are related to accepting this disease.
Although my objects will only be understood in their entirety by myself and those who live in chronic uterine pain, the purpose extends much further than just a symbol for the misunderstood, it Is a glimpse into the un-imaginable and in-comprehensible. this is my story, this is my invisible turned visible, I am allowing you the opportunity to understand what you will never be able to fully understand, I am showing you what It feels like to carry endometriosis with you in every second of the day. Over time the latex will deteriorate, as will I.
I want to bring the disease out of the body, I want to confront it, and I want people to confront themselves, because this is not just a ‘woman's issue’ it is a disease that affects 1 in 10 people of all ages, and probably even more than that considering it takes eight years to be diagnosed. It is debilitating chronic pain affecting every aspect of one's health and wellbeing, there is no cure, it can only be managed through lifestyle and diet changes, which is ironic due to the GMO’s in our toxic food being one of the main contributing factors to the disease, Endometriosis is vastly understudied and misunderstood, it is very easy to say “not me, not my problem” – but its 1 in 10, so that means if it's not you, it could be your mother, sibling, partner, daughter, son, or even one of your friends. I am hoping to shed light on something that is so often kept in the dark, this disease is isolating “So many people suffering physically, emotionally, and mentally. It’s more important than ever to share the ways you heal yourself with others, if you have a significant amount of pain compared to others, it’s because you’re strong enough to handle it, you’re strong enough to heal and you are able to help and heal others.” – Jena Covello
'Baggage'
2019
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Laxtex, Tissue, Thread, Wire, Food Colouring, Nylon, Fairy Lights.
I am interested in objects as an extension of the self. If I create this object and think about my pain in the process, each and every hand stitch acting as an embodiment of my stabbing pain woven and bound to manifest what I carry, how far from functionality will it become? Can I create a life-force within this object through selective lighting? By adding both real and suggestive elements of the human body will the object then touch upon someone else’s relationship with pain?, as we tend to understand pain only similar to our own. Does it push further than my own desire to give the invisible a platform or does its formal shape create a boundary and in term isolate itself, oxymoron?.
For this relationship although powerful, is entirely personal.
Growth
2019 BFA Graduate Exhibition
Liquid Latex, Tissue, Thread, Cotton wool, Food coloring.
It knows the body will protect it, the perfect conditions to thrive, external forces inevitable in nature, detrimental to the psyche create the perfect storehouse for the unwanted. Rest now for we have some growing to do – wanted or not, it will never stop.
When you take away all the external factors and separate the disease (Endometriosis) from the pain for only a second, you begin to understand what it really wants. It craves your care, it wants to rest, clean – organic spaces, natural food, natural products, it wants you to look after yourself and manage your stress, it is the bi-product of a world that is rapidly changing, and we cannot
keep up. Many forget that the earth does not give way to us, we must give way to ourselves. I urge to understand and make sense of the way nature accommodates itself, to help me further explore the body as an alternative storehouse for the unwanted.
Often when the voice falls short, eventually the body will speak.
Shoes, Clothes, GMO'S
CW : Cysts
Expanding foam, Oil paint, Moss, Human teeth, Oil resin, Latex, Corn flour, Hair, Wire.
I am fascinated by the capability of the human body, but more so of human ignorance. These cysts, with both human and non-human elements, act as a reminder that in the end, it is our bodies that will pay for our inherent need for evolution.
Pain-ting
Oil, acrylic, Canvas
Toxic home, natural location.
My work began simply because I wanted to spread awareness about the Endo & I wanted my work to help in starting the conversations that are usually always hard to start.
It took me 3 weeks to hand sew the latex blanket together & 3 days for my mother and I to hang it. I’m not going to lie I’m really happy this project is over, i found it extremely hard to think & speak about endo more than I already have too - Ive always struggled with traditional institutional settings & trying to get my point across. That does not mean this project ends here, i have so much more i need to get out.
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After three years at university I’ve learnt that it is crucial to stay true to yourself, and who you are as an artist. It probably won’t get you the best grades but god it feels good, because you’ll always show them in the end.
Love - Ella.